Wednesday, September 19
J is for Jokes!
Here are some of my favourite replies to the question Why did the chicken cross the road?
Original answer : To get to the other side.
Sir Edmund Hilary: Because it is there.
Confucius: Chicken who cross road at 5pm get very flat.
Barack H. Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Al Gore: I invented the road and the chicken, but I regret inventing the chicken. It emits too many greenhouse gases.
Martin Luther King : It had a dream.
L.A. Police Department: Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Grandparents: In our day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. And besides that, it had to cross it barefoot, while walking 10 miles to school in the snow before breakfast.
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Albert Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to crossing roads. Besides, it was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Robert Frost: To cross the road less travelled by.
Hamlet: That is not the question.
O.J. Simpson: It didn't. I was playing golf with the chicken at the time.
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail, the chicken would be lost ... the chicken would be lost!
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Forrest Gump: My mama always says, "Stupid is what stupid does."
Queen of Hearts: It doesn't matter. Off with its head.
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson. She was chased across by a nine-month old white Persian cat with a broken tail and a rose thorn in its right forepaw.
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed it, I've not been told!
Colonel Sanders: Did I miss one?!